#14 It’s been a while.

Hello my lovely people. I hope you are all well and staying healthy.

It’s been a while since I have posted. Over a month. It was Ramadan. A month where Muslims fast and try to increase their faith for the long term.

It has been challenging fasting and working in a school. No pick me ups or snacks to keep me going. I will be honest, I didn’t do well with it. I could not focus on planning. I just about managed to teach the children but that is only due to the fact that I am here for them. I plucked up some energy just for them.

My mental health was challenged too. During this month, I couldn’t see the person I wanted. I felt like we had drifted apart. Things changed. But one thing I like about us is that we can communicate and bring each other up by reassuring one another. It’s still a work in progress but what relationship isn’t. Furthermore, I am starting to become self conscious. I keep thinking I am not beautiful or not worth it. This really affects me. The worst part is, I don’t have anyone to speak to about this because they don’t get it. It feels like I am alone and I know that I am the only one who can get myself out of this mindset. Again, this is a work in progress.

During Ramadan, I managed to read Quran – the holy book of Islam. I managed to pray 5 times a day. This was all a struggle as I don’t read Arabic and I was working at the same time. If you know the life of a teacher, you have no time. Some days I contemplated skipping prayers but I pushed myself to get closer to God. I aim to keep this up during the year. God willing.

Besides all of this, I think I have improved as a teaching professional. I have learnt to develop a good rapport with other staff members that was deemed challenging in the past. I, also, held a CPD in Reading for Pleasure, which grew my confidence in public-speaking, ever so slightly. At my school, we use destination reader as our guided reading approach in key stage 2. I have never taught it before I came to year 5. I, also, did not receive any training due to unforeseen circumstances. But, I built the courage to ask for help. I taught a DR lesson and recorded myself for the lead to feedback to me on. The lead and I team-taught. I am slowly growing more confident in this subject and I am so proud of myself.

The past month has been mentally and physically challenging for me. More than anyone can ever know. But I have tried to keep a smile on my face and made sure that it was not noticed by my lovely children.

No matter what you are going through, just know that you are amazing and your mental health is way more important than anything else. If you need help, ask for it. I know I am being a hypocrite but I can’t ask for help because no one understands me. Believe me, I have tried. Mental health is so important! I can’t stress this enough. Not only for adults but for the children too. So please, let’s build each other up and motivate one another.

Thank you for reading and I hope to write again soon.

Lots of love,

Transparent Teacher xoxo

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